Alright, so back when I was like 8 years old I lived in Panorama City, California.

My parents were married and we had a neighbor down the street.

As kids my sister and I would hang out with this neighbor, she is female. Unknown to us she was getting beat by her husband and also throwing herself at every guy.

She would tell us kids how bad black people were and to hate them. When my mom got wind of this she told my neighbor, let’s called her G, that we can’t ever hang out with her again because you shouldn’t teach hatred to kids.

About a year or so later, my father is having an affair with this woman. G was well known to have a reputation, she was working at a pharmacy and had to be let go because she kept throwing herself at the manager. She was always very desperate and even acted really weird towards boys. I have always viewed her as a horrible woman that no respectable man should ever want,

30 years later, my parents are divorced and my Dad is with this woman.

My father is an attorney and he makes a lot of money and should have a lot in assets. In my opinion, he should have at least $1.5 million to his name. He does not. He lives in poverty in a condo with this woman. She has 5 dogs there even though there is no backyard and there is constant piss and shit.

My father spends money and only late in life ever thought about a nest egg. He’s an idiot with money. My sister and Uncle are the same way. Luckily, I was blessed with the opposite, having very good money management skills.

I think my father gave up his best friend for this woman. He doesn’t really have many people outside his brother and now my sister and her family. Btw, my sister stopped talking to him for 10 years when he Judo threw her across a room, but since having children magically went back.

It is now I who is currently estranged from him. Every time I try to talk to him he is calling me a ‘selfish little shit’ or to ‘grow up’. He is a lawyer but argues like a 10 year old with name-calling and dominating the flow of the conversation without listening. He told me he was in anger management but I ruined it by making him angry.

So, my question is this.

Is my father a loser?

I think so, and I try to not be like him. I also think that I should never talk to him again in my life. He is cursed.

  • LepiejMan@szmer.info
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    7 hours ago

    That’s not the right question to ask.

    You are asking for validation for resenting your father. That won’t achieve much except making you feel more disgusted at him.

    Learn from his mistakes, and be honest with your own. That will achieve more than anger and resentment.

    Your father does not seem in great shape either. From what you described he lost fortune, friends and family. If you call him a looser he will just loose his temper, and you won’t have a father anymore. Your conversations should not involve name-calling, set boundaries there without escalating the conflict.

  • NKBTN@feddit.uk
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    10 hours ago

    I think you should first define for yourself what a Loser is, and then see if your dad meets that criteria.

  • FridaySteve@lemmy.world
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    10 hours ago

    Loser is as loser does. Your values determine that. Just remember that nobody is better than anyone else, and everyone is a loser to somebody.

  • deegeese@sopuli.xyz
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    22 hours ago

    Part of growing up is being able to recognize your parents’ faults.

    Whether to excuse your dad’s faults is a value judgement without right or wrong answers.

    • affenlehrer@feddit.org
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      15 hours ago

      Very well said. I have a little daughter and I’m 100% certain I’m far from the perfect father. However, a lot, maybe the majority of my thoughts revolve around her and I’m trying to balance preparing her for the future, her wellbeing, make her happy (often the former two don’t make her happy, e.g. eating vegetables) and keep myself sane, healthy and at least a bit happy. There’s also my wife and our marriage which also needs attention.

      What I’m trying to say is that being a father isn’t easy and there’s no manual for it since it’s extremely individual.

      Maybe your father wasn’t really happy for a long time and kind of waited (consciously or unconsciously) until you and your sister grew up and then turned up the selfishness and tried to satisfy his needs.

  • wewbull@feddit.uk
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    22 hours ago

    Sounds like your father has been exploited by this woman. He’s somebody who’s made bad decisions…yes, but he’s also a victim.

    • buttholechris@lemmy.mlOP
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      22 hours ago

      How is he a victim?

      Why couldn’t he say, ‘Hey, I can do better than this woman?’

      He’s an attorney that graduated from UCLA Law School. Where are his assets? Why does he live in hotels or this horrible woman?