Look. It’s the 1400s. Humans have been alive for thousands of years. And we’ve figured out how to sail for…some of that. Don’t you think if there really were a brave new world, that people wouldn’t have waited 1492 years to discover a brand new land never seen by humans which was also already inhabited? How can it be a brand new land, and there’s people just chillin by the beach? They see Christopher Columbus, and they say “How”.

And somehow, Columbus is drunk, calls these guys Indians, because he thought he was in India. And all of this so he can go back to Spain and get paid???

Meanwhile, the guy DID say “How”. But what he meant was “How the fuck did you just pull up on my beach from Spain, thinking this is India, you drunk asshole???”

But he stopped himself after one word when he remembered that historically speaking white people are genocidal slave traders.

But even THAT doesn’t make sense! Why would Christopher Columbus, a guy guy from Spain, be white, and not SPANISH??? You know…like the country he’s from???

But lets ignore that. Lets skip ahead a few hundred years.

You’re telling me a few hundred former English criminals got together and defeated the largest and most proliffic army of it’s day, using mostly home made weapons??? There’s only a few hundred of these guys. Send a boat. Boat has 1000 soldiers. As long as they can kill 100 Americans, how could England POSSIBLY lose that war??? Just keep sending ships! It’s not like America in the 1770s had a decently trained well supplied military, or any source of replacement troops.

But fine. Lets time travel one more time.

It’s 2025. Look at what you’re saying. America exists. America exists??? Ok. You’re telling me that you believe that donald trump is anything more than a paid actor playing a villain in a fictional tv show??? Come on. Think it through man! They had an episode where they did a presidential debate ahead of the election.

He says he doesn’t have a plan, only concepts of a plan. That ordinary people are eating cats and dogs. And the “american public” decided to make a 34x convicted but not sentenced felon to the presidency???

Look. I get it. It’s a funny gag. But thats all it was. People having a laugh. I mean think about how many people would have to be a complete and total brain dead fool to willingly vote for that, just because brown people exist.

It would be like the dumbest timeline if it were true!

WAKE UP SHEEPLE!!!

  • dual_sport_dork 🐧🗡️@lemmy.worldMEnglish
    1·
    6 days ago

    Columbus wasn’t Spanish, for a start. He was Italian.

    All of the above demonstrates a breathtaking ignorance of world history, to a degree that is almost impressive in its own right. Sailing and deep ocean voyaging aren’t quite the same thing. Humans have been sailing for thousands of years, but by and large not very far. There are entire well documented cultures with ships and all who never left the Mediterranean.

    So, I’m not sure what you’re trying to argue, here. That two entire continents that comprise the entirety of the New World don’t actually exist? There’s a lot more to the Americas than the United States.

    On the Columbus thing, his deal wasn’t that he valiantly sailed west in contradiction of his peers’ primitive belief that the world was flat, as is often reported. Europeans (and pretty much everyone else) knew damn well the world was round, and what’s more they also had more or less correctly calculated what its circumference was as well. What Columbus did was grossly underestimate how big across the world was, and in fact had to shop his expedition around to multiple financiers who all laughed in his face until finally securing funding from Spain. Possibly because there was very little for them to lose in the attempt, not being a major colonial power at the time, without much of a reputation to tarnish and the voyage wasn’t that expensive. And Columbus wasn’t even their guy; he was just some annoying Italian. That, or they wrote a check simply to get him out of the royal court’s face. Spain knew he wouldn’t make it to Asia but gambled that he’d run into something out there somewhere, which if so would be a new discovery they could claim. The bet paid off, and it was extremely lucky for Columbus that there was a major land mass westward between Europe and Asia, otherwise he would have run out of supplies and starved in the middle of the ocean. This is notwithstanding the other explorers who managed to set foot on the Americas beforehand, in particular the bit around Newfoundland which is closest to Europe. Columbus simply got lucky again by making it back and getting recognition in the process. This says nothing of the millions of natives who already lived there, and had damn well discovered the place well before any pasty-faced European showing up.

    Part of the blame for some of these common misconceptions is no doubt owed to Washington Irving and his damned A History of the Life and Voyages of Christopher Columbus, which recast Columbus as a heroic and daring adventurer gallantly gainsaying European ignorance rather than, as in reality, an ignorant European himself. Columbus lived and died fully believing that he had genuinely landed in India and not a new continent, because he had never actually been to India before.