Insert scroll of truth meme here.

There is the rule number one of the linux kernel: “We don’t break userspace.” Linux has refused fixes for buggy behavior in the past because of this rule. This would most certainly break userspace.

Also the alt text of the original image states this is fake.

Wasn’t there a black mirror episode on this?

While it doesn’t really help with the stolen part, it helps with the recovery: put a tracker on it.