There was a time when any time I’d see that obscenely wealthy asshole Jeff Bezos gracing the cover of Forbes, I’d wish I could just reach into the picture and give that cue ball looking jackass a nice hearty slap. I know it was nothing more than idyllic fantasy, but it’s hard to sit there and be okay with a society that rewards resource hoarding and the subjugation of the working class. There had to be a way to stick it to him, even if it was petty and insignificant, and send a message.

That’s when I recently began turning revenge fantasy into action. Now, I’m doing my part in the war on billionaires by punching random bald guys on the street on the off chance one of them is Jeff Bezos himself. […]