As @cows_are_underrated@feddit.org said, they will have to investigate if you file charges, but with such minuscule damage, the investigation will typically be abandoned due to insignificance. (“eingestellt wegen Geringfügikeit”) Often, they will try to dissuade people from pressing such charges in the first place, even if just to avoid the paperwork.

Also, if the water barrel that tiny amount of water was stolen from is located on private land, (they typically are) the case might involve trespassing charges, which weigh much heavier than petty theft of a petty amount of water.

Technically yes, but theres quite a high chance that if you aren’t a corporation and would do something like this as a person they would either laugh in your face or would say “well see what we can do” while the form you just filled out already landed in the trashcan. Theres virtually no chance they would care the slightest.

Why, you were almost finished? You only missed the serious part.

You didn’t stop because of the word now, did you? Did you?

Guardian columnists are living a wild fever dream.