It’s clearly in retaliation to shut me up about abuse at the facility. It makes zero sense, even the process server thought it was ridiculous.

But I have no money, I couldn’t find a lawyer. So now my life is over basically. I’m barely employable as it is. I have thousands in credit card debt, I have tens of thousands in student loans, and I work a part time job and do gig work.

There is no therapy. There is no lawyer. DO NOT FUCKING SAY “just check a low income program in your area!” THEY DONT FUCKING EXIST. I live in a red state which exists to chew people up like me.

I have zero family support. I have zero friends. I have zero help.

The second I can’t pay rent I’m walking into traffic.

At no point in my life has there been help. I called a crisis line last year, was assaulted and lost my job because they forget to give me paperwork after I got out.

“Help” seems to be platitudes. Help seems to pretend that there is something on the other side, when across my life that “it gets better” hope gets fucking yoinked from me like Lucy with the football.

Why the fuck is saying “no” such a bad thing? My family didn’t care when I got diddled, why would they care if I was in the ground?

  • SinAdjetivos@lemmy.worldEnglish
    25·
    1 day ago

    I live in a red state which exists to chew people up like me.

    Right, so why would you do them the favor of killing yourself? If they want you dead make them work for it! Every day you stay alive is a day that they don’t win.

    There’s no reason for you to do anything “the second you can’t pay rent.” Make them make you leave. It’ll buy you time to try and get yourself a vehicle or tent to sleep in. Even though you have no support network now, making friends is weirdly easier in encampments when everyone you meet has similar experiences to what you’re going through.

    Don’t focus on things “getting better”, it makes the things which are getting worse more apparent. Even in the most idyllic life things don’t constantly “get better” they just “get different”, if you feel like everything is getting worse that’s a good sign to really “get different”.

    If nothing else I’m proud of you for speaking up against the abuse you saw and I’m sorry you’re now getting some first hand experience with it. How you choose to live or not live your life is up to you, but don’t let some fucking bureaucrat pressure you into unlife.