4 bowls of chili before the interview. And deviled eggs. No words necessary.

Sit down, look at the picture of the (child aged) daughter of the person interviewing you, and ask if she’s single.

As the title suggests, blow a job interviewer in the first 30 seconds will blow a job interview in 30 seconds

Blow the interviewer

Actually as someone who does sometimes do interviews: acting like an asshole with a big ego will wreck your chances big time.

Spit on my palm and go in for the handshake

“The trick is to say you’re prejudiced against all races” --Homer Simpson (OK the quote was about getting out of jury duty but I think it fits here)

So, how many holidays are there and how much are you offering, if I decide I’m interested?

Ask to borrow a pen. Throw it at the interviewer’s head. Ask to borrow a pen…

How much for getting hired ?

I’ve had 4 interviews since June where I withdrew myself from consideration in the middle of an interview. I didn’t bomb; just decided the company wasn’t for me.

You can always just say “I don’t think this is the right fit, I would like to withdrawal from consideration but thank you for your time.”

Shortest interview was about 4 minutes, not quite 30 seconds, but it would have been about 30 seconds if he showed up on time. When a CTO shows up late, wearing a t-shirt from their home office while I’m interviewing for a 100% on site role, that’s business casual attire; I’m not even wasting my time talking to this dude.

How strict is your sexual harassment policy?

Oh I did this one once! I interviewed for a job as a construction worker, and my first question was “what’s the pay” and second “how the fuck do you expect anyone to say yes to that”.

They also had an apprentice working on a roof right next to us with absolutely no safety gear in sight.

As you can clearly see I’m white and male. When do I start?

“I’ve always been on the lookout for great places to start a workers union.”