Local ICE agent Mitch Holsen admitted he wept a few tears of joy after receiving an emotional letter from a kindergartner detailing how Holsen and other ICE agents destroyed her family and ruined her life, sources confirmed.
“Terrorizing marginalized communities is often a thankless job. There are a lot of elements to this job that most people don’t see. Every day I go back to the hotel I have to put ice on my knuckles to treat the swelling because I punched someone in the head the wrong way, and a lot of times the pepper spray I use to subdue an agua fresca street vendor sprays back in my face, and that shit hurts,” said Holsen. “But then I get a letter like this from a young girl named Maria who tells me how she misses her dad, and how her mom cries herself to sleep every single night and it makes me remember why I signed up for this job. I love to know that I’m making a difference and making the lives of people I’ve never met infinitely more nightmarish.” […]
Is it truly satire if it’s the truth?
ICE agents can’t read, it’s obviously satire.
If it revoked this question is true satire
Had to look twice to see it’s theonion
This is not onioney enough, it is too believable
they absolutely get off on what they’re doing… the pain, the suffering… the cruelty… the violence, of course… which is all just part of their role in the tenderizing of america before it’s seared and plated for the highest bidders.
They do. ICE is an offshoot of CBP.
CBP calls Mexican immigrants “tonks”. It’s an onomatopoeic name for the sound a metal flashlight makes when it hits a human head.
Ate the onion, and still believe it’s true.
Im starting to think that God uses satire as a testing ground for reality.
This headline hit hard lol.
it is the small things that make them happy
