The semester is starting back up and i’m terrible at speaking words.
This doesn’t have to be aimed at college students, just conversation starters anywhere would be very much appreciated.
This is an old post i saved for this kind of moment so here ya go.
About 6 or 7 years ago my college roommate told me: Conversation isn’t something any one person is good or bad at, it’s a skill like anything else. Everything changed once I thought about it like this.
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The more new people you talk to the easier it is. Especially the opposite sex.
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Everyone else has their own anxieties and fears. They’re just better at hiding it or masking it than you. Use this to your advantage to point out things you have in common and relate to them.
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When someone talks, LISTEN. Don’t worry about your posture, your dog, your clothing. Listen to them. If you don’t understand something, stop them and ask. Engage with them. Everyone you meet knows something you don’t know.
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Ask open ended questions. Don’t ask, “Did you have a good day?” Instead ask “What was the best part about your day?” “What’s your favorite and least favorite thing about your job?” Make them feel important. Everyone loves to talk about themselves. So do you. Take that feeling and shove it way down. When they ask about you, that’s your turn to shine. If they don’t, you don’t really want to be friends anyway.
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Never one-up people. Even if you are way better, or know way more than the person talking to you, build them up.
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If someone is telling a story or saying something and they get cut off, find the next opportunity to bring them back in. “Hey, _______ you were talking about X, what did you want to say?”
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Laugh at their jokes. Laugh at your jokes. We’re all weird brains walking around in these skin things. Don’t take it so seriously.
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You will remember your mistakes WAY more than anyone else. Stop taking yourself so seriously.
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My last and 2nd most important tip. Start every conversation with a compliment. I don’t care if they’re a dude and you’re straight as fuck. I don’t care if they’re mean, evil to you, or disagree with you politically in every way. Find something about the way they look, and compliment it. Someone did this to me once when I was a new guest at someone’s apartment. “Hey man, that’s an awesome jacket, where’d you get it?” I fucking loved that jacket. And I was self conscious about it. I felt instantly at home.
Take the things you like, and be that person for someone else. If you’re on a date, be genuinely interested in that person.
These are things that worked for me. Find your own style.
The #1 tip!! Go into EVERY room as if people will like you. Seriously. Walk through any door, in front of any group of people and smile. They. Will. Like you. Keep that in the front of your mind and you will enjoy conversations with anyone.
Honestly some grade A advice! Im definitely stealing this No take back!! :P
As someone who used to be terrible at socializing but had to learn because I’m an extrovert you’ve more or less summed it up.
Charisma is real and it’s a factor, but it’s more like having a good voice and natural presence for public speaking rather than the skills to confront stage fright, properly comport yourself on stage, and work with an audience. A person with 0 interpersonal charisma may never be making a living off socialization, but if they build skills they can easily be well liked and have plenty of friends and a partner. Meanwhile a person with a ton of charisma and no social skills is going to have a hard time keeping people around.
But yeah, practice, practice, practice. And as someone else said, benign comments are great tools. “Some weather we’ve been having”, complimenting something someone is wearing especially if it’s bold (as someone who likes bold looks “that [thing] is bold and you make it work” is great), or even "ugh this is way too [early/late/midday] for this [everyday bullshit]
Complimenting people on their outfits is a great one. I do this a lot (the folks in my town are great dressers, what can I say?) and while about half just say thank you and move on (perfectly fine), I have had some people follow up with some other comment, like where they got it from. The last compliment I gave was to a woman with a cute skirt and she was like, “Thanks! I keep looking for the pockets.”
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Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?
Not much room for dialogue from there.
Situational commentary is a great way to start. Look around, comment on what you see to your soon-to-be conversation partner. Especially easy if anything out of the ordinary happens: thunderstorm, someone busking, squirrel appears etc. Make a comment, ask a question, go with the flow
Correct answer.
“Have you noticed gum has gotten mintier lately?”
You just reignited an ancient synapse. I’m now forced to use it at work on Monday.
Did you see that ludicrous display last night?
The thing about Arsenal is they’re always trying to walk it in.
Wut was Wenguh finkin sendin Walcaw in!?
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Hello fellow humans! Have you consumed any good carbohydrates today?
Greetings fellow humans! have you consumed your daily complex carbohydrates and proteins today, and consumed a liquid with a organic suspension of the extracts from the plants coffea arabica.
I expect to able to function within normal parameters once i have consumed the usual quantity. Until then I would appreciate being left to my own devices.
He speaks of the dirty bean water!
Eat any good books lately?
Oh, very good Worf
“Can I offer you an egg in these trying times?”
Why couldn’t the pirate play cards?
He was sitting on the deck.
hearty pirate laughter
“ARR ARR ARRR!”
Yes, this is indeed what it sounds like. But when I wrote it out like that, I couldn’t help but imagine seal noises.
Damned seal pirates. Scourge of the seas!
The other pirate couldn’t steer his ship because the only wheel he had was sticking out of his pants. If you asked if it bothered him he’d say “Yar, it’s drivin’ me nuts!”
Make an observation, any observation, and say something about it. You’ll find that it’s fun talking to randos even for just a few words. Like if you say “This line is long.” And they just grunt.
And about silly things. I was at a restaurant and, as listed in the menu, they has a “boneless chicken pot pie”. So I asked the waitress if I coukd have the chicken bone in. Silly things like that.
Hope that helps 🙂
IT GOTTA HAVE THE BONES I WILL TAKE NOTHIN LESS
Not a great lead itself, but a useful poke a hippy at a festival taught me when the opening conversation starts to fizzle out a bit: “what do you want to tell me? It can be anything at all, take a moment to think about it.” Then sit with the silence a bit (don’t stare at them, let them think).
Some people will tell you some wild shit and/or open up like crazy if given this invitation. The person who used it on me got my whole life story, shit I was trying to work through by (in part) being there in the first place, etc. The last person who I did this with told me some defining moments in the development of their politics and worldview.
Create comfort, give an open invitation and a little space, and you’d be surprised how quickly you might move from small talk to more substantial stuff. Recommend everyone try it once just to see what the outcome is, so far it’s been pretty neat.
You might like the “If you could invent anything in the world, what would it be?”
I used to sketch out ppls’ answers and give them the drawing to remind them they’re creative even if they never considered themselves in that light before. Bc every single person I ask can come up with at least one thing, from jeans with a star patch on the back pocket to a tiny home village arrayed a certain way.
I absolutely love this. Also, what’s a poke-a-hippy?
Well I mean, obviously they are hippies you can capture and collect. Sometimes people try to get them to battle, but 99% of them don’t like/aren’t particularly good at fighting, so they are mostly pets.
Lol, j/k. By poke I meant a conversational poke/prod technique, by hippy I meant…well, a hippy that shared the tip.
Aaaaah the poke isn’t describing the hippy! Got it
Good! And no worries, that one is on me. It’s a very poorly written sentence :)
A hippie that uses autocorrect.
Talk about what you’re interested in. Or let the other person talk about what they’re interested in and be engaged in the conversation. Either way you build report
Rapport, not report btw
What music/game/ movie have you been into lately ?
What have you created lately?
How do you feel about the inevitable heat death of the universe and the patriarchy?
All normal things
'Ave you seen that ludicrous display last night?
(apologies, I don’t like talking to people)
That’s the thing about Arsenal
Hi.
