Whenever men’s emotions come up on the internet the comments turn into the edgiest im14andthisisdeep takes. “We bottle it up because nobody cares anyway” like dude if that’s genuinely true for you then it’s still your responsibility to find less shitty friends. If you decide you don’t need that much consolation then that’s ok too but you can be self-reliant without being bitter about it all day. Idk maybe I’m too harsh but it seems infantile to me. If you have that much built up grief you gotta work through that instead of hiding away a bottomless pit of sorrow that immediately takes center stage whenever you try to open up.
“Trend” would imply that it’s ever been different. Also my intention wasn’t to mock anyone. I’m just saying I’m 100% convinced it’s not gonna change so the best approach is to adapt. I would tell women the same thing.
Men are frustrated because of a common double standard.
I fully acknowledge that there’s a double standard. But at the same time I think it would be short sighted to draw the conclusion that women have it easier. It’s different, yes. But there’s other issues associated with being labeled as “more emotional”.
But my main point is that being frustrated about how society works instead of either taking action (like joining a free support group that meets irl or via zoom, seeking therapy, team sport or whatever else) or even just accepting that things work the way they do has never done anything except make the person who dwells on it even sadder.
I’m not trying to make it about women. I’m a guy myself btw. To me the frustration with that double standard kinda implied the feeling of having it harder. Thinking about it it probably doesn’t. It wasnt malice, I genuinely have a hard time understanding this mindset.
I’m curious how an individual is supposed to make things better by slamming their head against a double standard. The frustration comes from attempting something and being repeatedly shut down.
From personal experience, speaking with a therapist doesn’t keep people in general from negatively reacting to me trying to solicit support. “Don’t be frustrated” isn’t a solution. Best case is coming to grips with a shitty double standard, which helps people who are actually self destructive because of it, sure.
But a lot of us are just sick of it and want to have the existence ofnthe double standard acknowledged without being told how women have it worse. Both (all) genders suffer from double standards!
Hi AntiBullyRanger! So since I’m not disabled can you please talk me through the necessary mental gymnastics in order to apply the definition of digressive victimhood to what I wrote?
Since you’re declaring yourself cognitively sane, it’s also the responsibility of friends to not be shitty. Shitty behavior is a two way street, you can’t be shitty to men because society was already shitty to them. So be responsible for once, and stop being shitty completely.
Yes, the bullshit runs deep, but I’m 54 and plenty sociable, still, not much in the way of friends or family. Our Western societies are becoming more and more isolated, and it scares the shit out of me.
I feel ya, neighbor. Deeply. It’s one-day-at-a-time over here (sometimes hour, if I’m being honest), and if it weren’t for the boundless, unflappable love of my dog here, I’m not sure where I’d be at all in this relentless shitscape.
I’m only 29 so I’m not sure how well this holds true but I feel like up until the early 2000s friendships were often a lot more superficial. You used to be good friends with one or two people and the rest were what would now at best be considered acquaintances. These days, at least in my generation, you’re expected to be a lot more comfortable with other people’s intimate details. But for many people deep down learning about everybodys political beliefs, sex life, spirituality, childhood trauma and what have you is pretty overwhelming so they distance themselves.
It’s like we’re numb to the joy of just existing together for a while. Nobody seems to like small talk anymore because it’s not intense enough or whatever, everybody calls themselves socially awkward but refuses to practice their social game in low-stress environments.
So yeah to a degree things have gotten more isolated but for me it’s more about small gestures like talking about the weather with the bus driver or silly banter at work. Without those small things it’s almost impossible to meet new people anyway and they regulate the desire for social connections too. The contents of the conversation might be trivial but you’re still hearing another human’s voice being raised just for you, that’s far from meaningless.
Maybe this explains my strong initial reaction. I think other people’s attention is not something to ever take for granted. It’s something you need to work for hard in times where attention has become the most valuable thing to give.
If I don’t know how to identify or deal with my own feelings, how can I support my bros? I bottle things up because if I can not care about my problems, nobody else will have to either. But I’m at the point now where I don’t even know that I have problems before things get to panic attack levels, or I find that an innocuous sentence might bring me to tears every few years. I feel like Data when he gets random hits from the emotion chip.
Whenever men’s emotions come up on the internet the comments turn into the edgiest im14andthisisdeep takes. “We bottle it up because nobody cares anyway” like dude if that’s genuinely true for you then it’s still your responsibility to find less shitty friends. If you decide you don’t need that much consolation then that’s ok too but you can be self-reliant without being bitter about it all day. Idk maybe I’m too harsh but it seems infantile to me. If you have that much built up grief you gotta work through that instead of hiding away a bottomless pit of sorrow that immediately takes center stage whenever you try to open up.
Often encounters men opening up about nobody listening to them when they open up.
Proceeds not to listen, mock them and blame it on them.
Sure is strange, why this trend continues, right?
“Trend” would imply that it’s ever been different. Also my intention wasn’t to mock anyone. I’m just saying I’m 100% convinced it’s not gonna change so the best approach is to adapt. I would tell women the same thing.
Then you would be scolded for trying to fix the problem instead of just listening.
Men are frustrated because of a common double standard.
I fully acknowledge that there’s a double standard. But at the same time I think it would be short sighted to draw the conclusion that women have it easier. It’s different, yes. But there’s other issues associated with being labeled as “more emotional”.
But my main point is that being frustrated about how society works instead of either taking action (like joining a free support group that meets irl or via zoom, seeking therapy, team sport or whatever else) or even just accepting that things work the way they do has never done anything except make the person who dwells on it even sadder.
I never said that and didn’t see any comments like that at the time I commented.
But good job swooping into a discussion about men’s challenges and making it about women!
I’m not trying to make it about women. I’m a guy myself btw. To me the frustration with that double standard kinda implied the feeling of having it harder. Thinking about it it probably doesn’t. It wasnt malice, I genuinely have a hard time understanding this mindset.
I’m curious how an individual is supposed to make things better by slamming their head against a double standard. The frustration comes from attempting something and being repeatedly shut down.
From personal experience, speaking with a therapist doesn’t keep people in general from negatively reacting to me trying to solicit support. “Don’t be frustrated” isn’t a solution. Best case is coming to grips with a shitty double standard, which helps people who are actually self destructive because of it, sure.
But a lot of us are just sick of it and want to have the existence ofnthe double standard acknowledged without being told how women have it worse. Both (all) genders suffer from double standards!
You have no idea about the male experience. It’s really like telling homeless people to just buy a house.
I’m a man myself and so are many of my friends.
Sure.
Another digressive victim in lemmy, or genuinely retarded?
¿Por que no los dos?
Hi AntiBullyRanger! So since I’m not disabled can you please talk me through the necessary mental gymnastics in order to apply the definition of digressive victimhood to what I wrote?
Since you’re declaring yourself cognitively sane, it’s also the responsibility of friends to not be shitty. Shitty behavior is a two way street, you can’t be shitty to men because society was already shitty to them. So be responsible for once, and stop being shitty completely.
Yes, the bullshit runs deep, but I’m 54 and plenty sociable, still, not much in the way of friends or family. Our Western societies are becoming more and more isolated, and it scares the shit out of me.
I feel ya, neighbor. Deeply. It’s one-day-at-a-time over here (sometimes hour, if I’m being honest), and if it weren’t for the boundless, unflappable love of my dog here, I’m not sure where I’d be at all in this relentless shitscape.
I’m only 29 so I’m not sure how well this holds true but I feel like up until the early 2000s friendships were often a lot more superficial. You used to be good friends with one or two people and the rest were what would now at best be considered acquaintances. These days, at least in my generation, you’re expected to be a lot more comfortable with other people’s intimate details. But for many people deep down learning about everybodys political beliefs, sex life, spirituality, childhood trauma and what have you is pretty overwhelming so they distance themselves.
It’s like we’re numb to the joy of just existing together for a while. Nobody seems to like small talk anymore because it’s not intense enough or whatever, everybody calls themselves socially awkward but refuses to practice their social game in low-stress environments.
So yeah to a degree things have gotten more isolated but for me it’s more about small gestures like talking about the weather with the bus driver or silly banter at work. Without those small things it’s almost impossible to meet new people anyway and they regulate the desire for social connections too. The contents of the conversation might be trivial but you’re still hearing another human’s voice being raised just for you, that’s far from meaningless.
Maybe this explains my strong initial reaction. I think other people’s attention is not something to ever take for granted. It’s something you need to work for hard in times where attention has become the most valuable thing to give.
until the early 2000s? you were 4. that’s how friendships work at that age.
That assessment wasn’t really based on my personal experience.
If I don’t know how to identify or deal with my own feelings, how can I support my bros? I bottle things up because if I can not care about my problems, nobody else will have to either. But I’m at the point now where I don’t even know that I have problems before things get to panic attack levels, or I find that an innocuous sentence might bring me to tears every few years. I feel like Data when he gets random hits from the emotion chip.