Show transcript
Screenshot of a Tumblr post by nongunktional:
when i first heard about the male loneliness epidemic i was like oh yeah close camaraderie and bonding between men is often discouraged in favor of competition or, if not discouraged, at least filtered through a lens of individualism that precludes deep connections. and then i learned what people meant by it (men arent getting laid) to which i say skill issue
to all the men out there not getting laid: try less hard to get laid and try more hard to be an enjoyable and relaxing presence
Going anywhere in public to socializing is expensive as hell, third places are dead, and the primary way people meet potential SOs is through apps whose purpose isn’t to make anyone happy but to extract maximum value from them.
There are people who are off the deep end, yes, but the answer isn’t to attack them like this. That’s never going to snap anyone out of it, and there really are huge societal problems that are resulting in people withdrawing, which is obviously bad for their mental health.
This is one of those “people hate every piece of capitalism, but refuse to connect the dots to see the picture” things.
third places are dead
I’ve heard this line quite a few times. But… as far as I can tell, camping is still absolutely a popular past time. Parks and beaches are still a thing. Gyms and bars and clubs are as crowded as ever.
This reads much more like a meme than reality.
There are people who are off the deep end, yes, but the answer isn’t to attack them like this.
There’s a lot of mass media that’s screaming at people about how women and men are natural enemies and the only path to intimacy is through sexual assault.
Absolutely attack this ideology. Drag your friends back from it if you can. Mock and deride the notion if you can’t. Don’t tolerate the intolerable.
there really are huge societal problems that are resulting in people withdrawing, which is obviously bad for their mental health
Absolutely. So throw a party. Invite people out to do things. Mix and mingle.
Mocking and deriding people is very effective at radicalizing them, please do not do that, it consistently makes the problem worse.
I get that they would deserve that behaviour if they are advocating sexual assault, but if you care about that person, or the cultural issues they’re succumbing to, or the rising sentiment that men have to be rapey to ever have success with women, please don’t do that, it’s detrimental to the cause.
Mocking and deriding people is very effective at radicalizing them
To your side, certainly. That’s how hazing works. Exploiting people’s insecurities by calling them cucks and betas while presenting a facade of success and popularity is the Andrew Tate Special.
Piercing that bubble and outing fanatics as weirdos is necessary if you want to break their grip. If you’re tolerating abhorrent behavior - or, God forbid, rewarding it - you’re reinforcing it.
The key point here, however, is that exploiting insecurities through insults is not the only thing that Andrew Tate does.
He simultaneously messages to young men that they are weak/poor/unhealthy/cucks/betas/etc, but also that they deserve more, that it’s not entirely their fault that they’re not getting rich/women/success/etc, and that if they do xyz, they’ll fix themselves. Solely insulting them isn’t what makes the messaging effective, it’s the putting down of their current position in life while simultaneously promising a solution through notions of them having things like sex or money “taken” from them.
It’s certainly okay to mock or insult ideologies that are harmful, and to do a bit of that to the people that promote them, but only doing that will only radicalize them away from you. Think about these 2 scenarios:
Scenario A: “You’re worthless, you’ll never be anything, you’re poor, a virgin, and will die alone”
Scenario B: “You’re worthless, you’re poor, a virgin, and you’ll never be anything unless you follow these x steps to become a better man”
Scenario B is what Andrew Tate uses on young men. Scenario A is pure harassment that doesn’t motivate anybody on its own, Scenario B motivates action.
If you just ridicule a friend that has negative beliefs and don’t present any alternative, they will stop being your friend. If you deride them for sharing a harmful belief, then explain the alternative and how it would make them better off, you’re more likely to get them to actually change. (though this is, of course, not universal, and I’m sure a small subset of people could be motivated to change purely off insults and nothing more)
I hope I explained that well, I’m quite prone to rambling 😅
That sounds like an extremely good way to ensure they cling even tighter to the lies sold by the Tates of the world
Antagonism is extremely effective at shutting people off from change. If you antagonize someone and they actually change, they almost certainly could have been better reached through compassion.
And when, like the vast majority of people exposed to antagonism, they don’t? You have now convinced them anyone outside their bubble is unreasonable and cruel, and given them a sense of persecution they will reflexively hide behind any time they’re confronted with an outside perspective
That sounds like an extremely good way to ensure they cling even tighter to the lies sold by the Tates of the world
That’s because you’ve bought into the right wing propaganda. The endless campaign to coddle fascists has only ever produced more fascists.
What a dumbass take.
Holy, this thread is a mess. If you think all men who struggle dating are fascists, this conversation ends here. If you accept the fact that not every man not in a relationship is a fascist, then we can talk. More specifically, we can talk about how the point isn’t to “coddle fascists”, but rather to not antagonize new men into the arms of Andrew Tate and others.
Is someone with social anxiety, therefore struggles dating, a fascist? You might know a far-right socially anxious guy, sure, but that doesn’t prove anything beyond the fact that this one person is a fascist. I’m not sure how it’s right wing propaganda to say that generalization is bad. But I’m also not sure whether you realize an issue (in this case, men struggle with relationships) can have more than one cause.
Word. I’m demisexual and greyromantic. The idea that any guy who isn’t dating or may have trouble dating is a fascist is inherently aphobic.
If you think all men who struggle dating are fascists
No idea where you got that. But I do see a lot of fascists who alienate women as friends and partners, then grow resentful when they don’t receive “respect” they feel they deserve.
This can quickly escalate into stalking and further violence against family or ex-partners, unless other people intervene.
The idea that a violent misogynist shouldn’t be argued with or deterred, because their sense of superiority is more important than anyone else’s safety is what’s brought us to the modern fascist moment.
Is someone with social anxiety, therefore struggles dating, a fascist?
If “social anxiety” means lashing out at women in order to force them to comply with your demands?
Absolutely.
I mean it also does mean the first thing tho no?
depends on your circles. in feminist and leftist circles, it usually means the first
but most men outside of those circles use it just to mean “im not getting the dates i am ENTITLED to 😡”
I don’t know who gave you that idea, but it’s incorrect
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Honestly, though, that sounds like an avoidant attachment style. He desperately wants intimacy, but it scares the bejeezus out of him, so he unconsciously finds a way to sandbag every potential connection.
Andrew Tate and Ben Shapiro say it’s spot on.
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And you listen to them to figure out what’s correct and what isn’t?
You got that backwards. Feminist and lefty leaning circles routinely dismiss the first as the second which is partly responsible for pushing young men further right.
Oh, so it’s just the deliberate misunderstanding of a nuanced term, like what they did with toxic masculinity.
I’ve only rarely heard it used as a shorthand for “I/we/you can’t get laid”. I’ve always interpreted it to mean the first thing. OP isn’t wrong about the second though, honestly. It is a skill issue.
Only if youre ableist.
Sure, there are a minority of people who have legitimate physical disabilities that make it difficult for them to get laid, or impossible to have sex at all. I was under the impression that we were discussing the general case, though. I’m not going to prefix every comment I make with a statement about the exceptions when I’m speaking casually.
It makes conversation awkward and difficult to follow, because you have to dig through the throat-clearing and ass-covering to figure out what the person is trying to say. If you want to discuss those exceptions, feel free to bring them up, but if you feel that I’m ableist for refusing to pad out all my comments with performative acknowledgements to satisfy your asinine sense of morality, then I don’t know what to tell you. Well, actually, I guess I do: “No”.
Right, it’s very early and I rarely (if ever) have a sexual appetite, so Imma need clarification: how is getting laid not a skill issue? It is my understanding that if people want it enough, they find ways to change themselves or their circumstances to make it happen.
Just like how if people want to be billionaires enough, they find ways to change themselves or their circumstances to make it happen. People only have partial control over who they are and the circumstances they’re in, and the changes they’re able to make don’t always make a difference here.
and then i learned what people meant by it (men arent getting laid) to which i say skill issue
Is that what it actually refer to ? Then I too, misunderstood.
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It is. This is just casual misandry.
Their “advice” that they gave out is “be enjoyable” … some real big brain stuff
It’s the “works on my machine” of social interaction. I have never received a less useful piece of information.
Have you tried taking a shower? /s
That isn’t what people mean by it. Loneliness means loneliness.
Imagine what would happen if somebody said this about women. Are you lonely, ladies? Have you tried being enjoyable and relaxing? And you should smile more!
Yes but there’s an existing stereotype of men who want nothing but to get laid, that’s why it’s relevant in this case. Context matters
Edit: THEY EXIST. Doesn’t mean all men are like that. You guys are too sensitive lol. I’m thinking pickup artists and other guys who completely objectify women.
It’s a dumbass stereotype misandrists use to demonise men.
Oh shit there’s a stereotype so let’s apply it to everyone suffering this.
Yeah, that’s definitely what I meant. Great job 👍🏼
I can’t possibly be doing the jerkoff gesture any harder than I’m doing it right now. Oh, the poor lonely men…
You are giving the incels exactly what they want. You are letting them hijack the fact that people are lonely into another reason why they are “victims” of society. You are dismissing every good person that feels like shit because you can’t stop thinking about bad people. You are the problem.
Incels don’t matter.
And no decent men are concerned about a male “loneliness epidemic.”
Oh, dear- I’m part of the problem.
Incels don’t matter. - You are right, now, how about you stop letting their shit arguments cloud your better judgement.
I also don’t like the epidemic being labeled as being “male only”, it is far more universal to only affect men. This is apparent by looking at any recent study of loneliness in society. Everybody has become more lonely.
How can you seriously dismiss every lonely man (or anybody else lonely for that matter) as some fucking incel because some shitheads online whine about the same shit they have been whining for about for last decade? Do you seriously not see what you are doing?
it is far more universal to only affect men. This is apparent by looking at any recent study of loneliness in society. Everybody has become more lonely.
Cool. So you agree that there is no “male loneliness epidemic,” but rather just a regular human issue that aspiring rapists have decided to co-opt in order to sound sympathetic.
Yes. The same issue that then you seem to try to diminish by equating those men who experience it to incels, under the guise that decent men are not lonely. Do you think people who are lonely are not decent? Do you think they deserve it? Fuck. That. Shit.
Neither of us are on the side of the incels, fuck those bastards. But your hateboner for incels is so large that you shit on lonely men as a group, instead of critizing the fucking misogynist creep rat bastard subset that are the problem. Not “Cool”.
Decent men who are lonely talk about it like human beings. They don’t need to hide behind a bullshit “male loneliness epidemic.”
go back to reddit
edit: every single fucking time I open the user profile for somebody who posted some low-effort spew like this ITT, they’re all up in whitepeopletwitter. curious… 🤔
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Came here to say this.
I’m 42, happily married, and can’t find/keep/make a friend to save my life. My wife is very anti-social/introverted and has a good number of friends.
I cycle between thinking my interests suck, or I must just be un-fucking-bareable to be around and completely oblivious.
Maybe both… Probably both.
Man, I feel you. I am genuinely jealous of people who can walk in a room and be friends with everyone in a few minutes.
The problem is we live in a society pause for laugh track
Where men are told they have to get laid or their personhood is questionable and women are told they must never get laid or their personhood is questionable.
The result is that heterosexual men are frustrated, cisgender women everywhere are afraid of anything with a penis, and dating men as a transwomen is pretty fucking easy because men are tired and desperate.
Source: Am Transwoman
Do you have any idea how many femboys just went for me? I have to reject them all as it won’t work out, but I appreciate it I guess.
Meanwhile, a handful of women went for me. Like, I’m fine now with whatever happens. I simply accepted that people are different, and we don’t all have to have the same lives.
Trans people always have the greatest insight into these issues. Thank you!
I guess it comes from being between the typical roles.
The same predjudice also appears to apply to gay people.
Sucks that men’s issues are being treated as a joke or mischaracterized as something else and not important.
I think a big issue is that third places have disappeared or not kept up with culture. All that’s near me are bars and Masonic Lodges, younger men are trying to drink less and don’t want to wear weird robes to hang out with other guys.
Are younger men trying to drink less, or do they just have less expendable income to go to bars and such?
both
Yup. The dangers are way more understood now. Between that and price, the wine industry is in tears right now. They have had worst sales YOY for last couple years than in recent history.
The entire alcohol industry is in decline because of younger drinkers, or lack thereof… Worst hit is Champagne, then wine. Expensive liqours and domestic beer have been hit pretty hard. Microbrewers are having the business trouble they always have, but most seem to be doing alright with the younger crowd with hard seltzer options.
I feel like this type of reply to the male loneliness epidemic (or y’know just the loneliness epidemic, since loneliness has been on the rise independent of gender) really does not give a shit about the people that experience loneliness by reducing them to the most horrible and loud of subset of them.
Sure, there are incels that will twist and turn every societal tragedy into why they are victims and deserve to keep hating women. But by listening to them and reducing the entire problem to hahaha, the women haters are getting what they deserve, you are just hurting everyone else.
Well this is just… Wrong. The “loneliness epidemic” doesn’t just have to do with getting laid. What an absurd take.
Having sex is just a part of it, because lo and behold sex is a healthy and normal part of the human biological process.
However, ask a man what it’s like trying to make friends. Or if they made any new friends as of late… Or in the past 5 years. Yes, just friends, not sexual partners.
You’ll find a lot of guys past the school phase and into the work/career phase haven’t made any new friends. If you’re a man with a career then congrats! You probably have money. But no real time to make new friends, get back in touch with old friends, or find someone to date. If you’re a man with work, but not a career, you’re probably broke most of the time. Too broke to go or do anything.
Even men in relationships, having families, can suffer from loneliness. Yeah, you got a wife, abd maybe a kid… but you still need friends!
An issue with this loneliness problem is that it’s not taken seriously, and dismissing it as “Oh it’s just a sex thing. Git gud.” is exactly that. Not difficult to see how something like the so-called “manosphere” can swoop in; religions, cults, and similar find the lost, stuck, and disenfranchised easy prey.
I don’t understand the not making friends thing. I’ve made a string of friends in the last five years, and continue to do so. And I am a socially awkward, ADHD, anxiety raddled, sometimes annoying as fuck, mess. Maybe it’s because I own it and just stopped caring what people think of me and they can fuck off if they don’t like me being my genuine self? I dunno, all I know is that I do my best to approach people openly, kindly, and treat them like I’d like to be treated back and it largely works for me.
Maybe that has something to do with it for some people, but generally no.
Most guys can’t afford to go places. Or they work so much just to get by that when they’re finally done at the end of the day there’s just no energy left.
It’s a society issue, not a personal issue.
Ok let’s not pretend that the specific term “male lonliness epidemic” doesn’t specifically mean that low-effort men are pissed that women have standards now and are finally able to follow-through by way of having enough money to stay single. If people are using that term it refers to thay situation and you can’t spin your way out of it.
What you said is generally correct but it’s still their fault. I’m a man who, while unemployed at the moment, has consistently been able to make new friends and have new experiences while having a career. Men are stopping themselves from having new experiences that would lead to making new friends. Worse still, many of the people in North America who are experiencing these issues and crying about it are the same ones who blindly follow the white picket fence path and are confused at why their overly expensive, isolated suburban home makes them broke and leaves them isolated from social activities. I know a lot of men here in the city who are having a fine time because they’re actually interesting people who do stuff, and who put themselves in situations where stuff happens.
Our cities are built like shit and the men don’t fucking try. Then they bitch and moan that people don’t just drop out of the sky because their whole life they’ve been brought up on some complete nonsense and can’t reconcile the fact that they were lied to.
low-effort men
What a disgusting person you are.
Why? Because there are a bunch of people who do the bare fucking minimum and expect women and friends to fall out of the sky? I was going to say “low-quality” but decided that I didn’t like the connotation of that. “Low-effort” instead gives people a chance to put some effort in themselves.
Cry about it, I guess.
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Male loneliness is about camaraderie. If it was about getting laid, then prostitution would solve it. Busting a nut isn’t gonna fix a psychological problem facing the adult male population in modern western society and this shitty tumblr post isn’t gonna either. Its down right perpetuating it. Now, some truth is there; COMPANIONSHIP (not not getting laid) is a wonderful thing and does help, but the root of the problem is societal.
In so many words, this is just another “you’re lonely because you’re a bad person” misandrist jerk.
The idea that men are struggling to find friends is a real concern that should be addressed, people being unable to find sexual companionship because people of their desired sex don’t want to be around them due to their personal choices is something that can be made fun of.
Many women want a guy who is pro choice, can cook, is able to hold a conversation that’s not about sex, is capable of having platonic female friends, has hobbies, and has decent hygiene.
If that is not something you can attain, that’s fine and there are still women out there for you but that eliminates a large percentage so if you want to be picky on top of that you are going to have a problem
Pro choice, sympathetic to womens issues, good cook, able to converse about many topics, platonic female friends, hobbies, good hygiene, >6ft tall, healthy weight, reasonably attractive, good degree and then job.
That is/was me and I’m happily married, but it took 7 years of putting a lot of effort into dating before I met her, and I was not picky about who I dated.
The idea that men can easily find a partner by meeting a few basic requirements is divisive tribalist nonsense.
It’s not that they can easily find a partner if they meet a few requirements it’s that lacking those requirements makes dating much harder and if you are struggling to get a girlfriend and when trying to think of reasons why it’s been hard and all you think to do is blame society instead of focusing on self improvement that’s a problem
Anecdotal evidence counts for shit but I’ll give it anyway of my friends/coworkers who complain “I can never find a good woman” about 3/4 have no hobbies where they ever interact with women and the last 1/4 fit the “I can’t have a normal conversation with a woman without trying to sleep with her”
Society itself does suck and it has made in person hobbies much less common with the death of the third space, isolating people through technology, and just how much it cost to live but I have never met a person who is even moderately social that has a hobby where they interact with people of the opposite sex, and has platonic female friends that couldn’t get a date in less than a year if they were actively searching.
Introverts need love too but if they look at their list of problems and rank “society hates men” above “I never see women in a social setting” that alone is their biggest problem
The problem with “just get hobbies to meet women” is it’s glaringly obvious when people are there to do that. You can’t force yourself to enjoy an activity; you’ll naturally do what you want, which is approach women.
I have never met a person who is even moderately social that has a hobby where they interact with people of the opposite sex, and has platonic female friends…
Kind of a pointless truism. Dating is a numbers game, more encounters is more success. You even admit it could take this prospect up to a year of effort, now imagine that you have to build that opportunity network from scratch.
Nobody here is arguing that Trump supporters or stinky men who only care about women for sex deserve to have partners.
It’s just that you and the OP don’t acknowledge that finding a partner is hard for a lot of men who aren’t jerks and have a reasonable amount going for them and the implication is that it’s own fault and they must be a dick.
If you flip the genders and make a statement like: “if a woman can’t find a decent man it must be their own fault. It’s easy, just go and take up some male dominated hobbies and take a shower.” Its an asshole thing to say, no?
So how about we try not to be assholes and have some empathy.
I have acknowledged it multiple times
I’ve looked and I don’t really see that you have. You seem pretty dismissive of the fact that this group actually exists and quick to jump to attacking maga cultists and gross men who disrespect women - who nobody here is sticking up for.
Did you look two comments up when I said
“ The idea that men are struggling to find friends is a real concern that should be addressed”
Alright, anedotical evidence time! I am aware I am in a bit of a bubble, as I try to avoid the local variant of maga as much as possible in my life.
But I know several single male friends who I would say are at least of average attractiveness, smart, funny, know how to use a shower and a toothbrush, have decent education/money, cool hobbies and are politically progressive. Also I know of at least three of them who are deeply unhappy about not getting into a meaningful relationship.
Sometimes people are just stuck in a life situation or a place with not many compatible options and ways to meet people.
How do you define “cool hobbies”
Skinning hookers in their basements, plotting the violent takeover of the government, woodworking, climbing, just the usual boy stuff, you know?
Jokes aside, “things that a large percentage of the population looks at and says, hey, that is a cool hobby”. How is that for a definition?
Woodworking is a fun thing to do and a great conversation starter but also commonly done at home or at a shared work area that is all male
Rock climbing and plotting the violent takeover of the government has worked well for me however
Many women want a guy who is pro choice, can cook, is able to hold a conversation that’s not about sex, is capable of having platonic female friends, has hobbies, and has decent hygiene.
As someone who is literally all of these, it’s still a nightmare to find a romantic partner. Personallt, I’ve given up on going out of my way to find someone, because every time I put myself out there I either get ignored or ghosted
The idea that men are struggling to find friends is a real concern that should be addressed, people being unable to find sexual companionship because people of their desired sex don’t want to be around them due to their personal choices is something that can be made fun of.
But conflating those two categories of men as if all lonely men are the latter, does no good to anyone, and only helps fuel misandric stereotypes.
The conflation is the problem but in my experience it is more people who are blaming the former when it is clearly the latter
Like if you walk around with a maga hat and tell women your body my choice and also complain you can’t find a nice women to settle down that is a skill issue
What about all the MAGA who got women? What did they do right?
So tell me this then: When people hear that a man hasn’t dated, why is the first thing that comes to your mind the assumption that “you walk around with a maga hat and tell women your body my choice”? Is that the only explanation? Is there no nuance in the world? If a man has never dated, is he automatically MAGA and anti-abortion?
It’s not the first thought, however when a person blames society for all their problems instead of making an effort to improve themselves that screams maga
Plenty of people struggle to date for a variety of reasons but the people out there calling not get laid the “male loneliness epidemic” are generally not the most normal people
if you walk around with a maga hat and tell women your body my choice and also complain you can’t find a nice women to settle down
That’s an absurd stereotype that obviously doesn’t apply to the vast majority of lonely men, though.
Maybe the skill issue is in not realizing that.
P.S. Also, there are plenty of married couples who are both MAGA, and I myself had no shortage of single MAGA women popping up on dating apps when I was single who made it crystal clear they weren’t interested in anyone who wasn’t also MAGA, also anti-vax, etc.
P.P.S. Looked it up, and there are literally over two left-wing singles for every one right-wing:
Marital Status Leaning Example Partisan Split (Historical Survey Data) Married Republican Roughly 35% Republican, 32% Democrat Unmarried Democratic Roughly 19% Republican, 41% Democrat P.P.P.S. ‘Your body my choice’ was a meme for like three weeks.
It’s not that bad.
If it’s misandrist to tell the Trump voters who modeled their personalities on empty victory declaration and hurting brown people, then I’m a proud misandrist. Men who suck don’t deserve to get laid. No one deserves sex.
Not all lonely men are Trump supporters
All Trump supporters who are lonely have some work to do and don’t really deserve sympathy.
Indeed, but my heart is going out to the ones who aren’t Trump supporters
You… do realize there are lonely men in other countries, right? Like, the US is not the only place on Earth? Ah yes, the infamous Trump voters from checks notes … Norway, Egypt, Japan, etc.
And if you’re gonna say “Well they’re not voting for Trump but some other Trump-like politician”, don’t bother. You can’t generalize every man, half the world population, just because you know men who voted Trump/Trump equivalents. Because if that’d be how it works, I could just as easily find you a woman that voted Trump and then point out how, supposedly, women suck cause they vote Trump based on this “evidence”.
Why do you believe that lonely men must suck? Like, do you think men who would be decent partners just immediately find success and leave the dating pool, never to vent their frustration with modern dating culture?
Studies show that political division is affecting dating.
The political environment involves a lot of broken weak men who learned broken weak masculinity and that’s affecting dating.
the Trump voters who modeled their personalities on empty victory declaration and hurting brown people
???
Are you assuming lonely men all fit the above description? If so, that’s idiotic.
If not, then I don’t know what the fuck you’re on about, lol.
I think a lot of lonely men do fit that description; studies show that political division is affecting dating. It’s not that complicated.
Stereotyping and generalizing is uncomplicated by nature, yes. That’s the whole point, after all—to prejudge so that you can ‘spare’ your mind the effort of considering individual situations and circumstances.
Mass individual situations are contemplated through generalizations. I’m not interested in every snowflake.
You tell them.
You’re very much part of the problem. Reddit would be a much better fit for you.
Is it possible to have a discussion without some queball trying to make it about Trump?
a discussion about masculinity in the present political era with toxic online personalities and toxic politics and you’re upset that Trump gets mentioned? That’s a ‘you’ problem.
We are on @lemmy.world, it is allowed to not be American.
.world ass take
Frankly my positioning on men and feminism is also received negatively on lemmy world. Everyone’s all about extending compassion and sympathy to men as subjects in an attempt to control them. Someone suggested we ‘redefine strength.’ To me strength cannot be redefined: you can only accept that many men are lonely because of their own choices and do, in fact, need to man up.
It isn’t easy, you know? It’s whether you get it or you don’t. Being fit and reliable is hard to some people.
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Drag’s partner deserves sex. Lots of it. Until it can’t think straight.
Haven’t seen you in awhile Drag, wonderful to run into you. First time on my new instance! (Had to switch form Lemm.ee)
Yeah, the OP can suck eggs on this one.
I’m tired of this bullshit attitude. It contributes to the very issues it diminishes. Men are allowed to have problems without being incels.
It’s not all men’s fault, but there are things you can do increase your chances. If your problem is that you never shower, then who is going to date you?
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Ok, what is the emotional problem?
For example, if you easily get upset and attack other people for little reason, then who is going to date you?
If it is that you get sad sometimes, lots of people would date you.
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Fascinating, you seem to be telling me there is a problem with my though process, but instead of just telling me specifically what it is, you choose to insult me instead of answering my basic questions.
Is this the emotional problem you have?
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I have nuance, I have not claimed there were only two emotions. I gave an example of only two emotions. I know there are more than two. I just decided not to write them all out because they are uncountably many of them. That is also why I asked you, what specific emotional problem we are dealing with. So that we could get specific.
This is peak
“Well if you dont want to be homeless you should get a job”
Energy.
No, it’s more of “If you want to increase the probability of being in a relationship, you can work on yourself.” energy.
“If you don’t want to be homeless just get a job to get money and then rent a place to live”
See how that’s overly reductive to the point of it being a useless thing to add?
I didn’t ask to have BPD. I didn’t ask for inability to regulate emotions. I can only be me. I definitely cannot pretend to be relaxed or fun. That’s not just me. Relaxed side of me comes out slowly.
I am not asking for every woman to date me or even go out with me. All I am asking for is a bit of empathy. But if that’s too much, well. I cannot change anyone’s mind.
p.s., I wish I were not born. But, that is out of my hands too.
This post is not talking about you, don’t worry about it.
As a man experiencing a lack of friendship, camaraderie, and emotion connection, regardless of fault or cause, the OP reduces that experience to “not getting laid”. That affects me regardless of never actually using the phrase “male loneliness epidemic” to describe anything, of whether I fall into some 100 pages of “exceptions”, or that the post doesn’t explicitly say “those experiences don’t exist”. To say that the OP doesn’t actually communicate that is to simply close one’s eyes to an inconvenient truth of how people work.
Being told something has an impact. Even if it can be rationalized as “not about me”. Even if what was said isn’t what was intended. Even if some comments express support for people like me (and ignoring everyone who doubles down on it). Even if “big boy learns people say mean things sometimes”. What do you think that impact is gonna be here? For someone sharing my experiences who doesn’t stop to dig into this post, I doubt that impact is to move them towards being the sort of healthy, happy person we’d want.
Yeah, it kind of is.
No it isn’t. For example:
If the original poster said “It’s a skill issue, all you need to get a partner you need to shake their hand”.
And then the imaginary fckreddit was like “I didn’t ask to have no arms. I didn’t ask for an inability to do a shake hands. I can only be me…”
Do you see how it this was not targeting imaginary fckreddit. It can’t be a skill issue on imaginary fckreddit’s part because they have no arms.
Just like it can’t be a skill issue on the real fckreddit’s part because they lack the ability that most people have in that area though no fault of their own.
OP can’t literally specify all the possible exceptions to their advice. The post would be 100 pages.
It’s hard ro feel that way when this is constantly brought up. At best it feels like I am just being told that I am ‘one of the goods’
Alright then, tell us your criteria for men to follow to be truly lonely, since you’re so sure that BPD apparently disqualifies you.
What? All I am saying is that this person isn’t the target of this post. It sounds like they would have a very hard time doing the things the OP suggested. There is more than one way to be not lonely. I hope they try some other advice that is easier for them.
